Thursday, April 30, 2015

Rosacea & Me

This is one of those topics I hesitate writing about because honestly it's a sensitive subject for me. I gain the courage some weeks and than I back off because a million what ifs run through my head. All the negative scenarios or possible harsh comments from strangers viewing my page fill my brain and I push it off another day, week, month. I've come to realize the good outweighs the bad and I know so many other people out in the world are going threw the same struggle, torturing themselves just like I do some days. Wishing to wake up one day to clear beautiful skin, realizing the Rosacea was all just a bad dream.

A recent photo of me with a flare up

Rosacea is an irritating, pain in the ass skin condition that I developed in my mid 20s. There are several stages to it, usually starting with constant flushing of the skin (mild to severe redness) that can lead to papules and pustules (acne like symptoms). Severe cases suffer from enlarged skin (skin plaques), pores, and nose. It can also attack the eyes and make them red, itchy, and intolerable. It basically disforms your face and makes you want to live in a cave and wear a paper bag over your head every time you go out in public. It kills your self confidence, social life, makes you hate taking photographs, you don't even want to look in the mirror anymore. And the worse part is there is no known cure for it. Doctors (or Dermatologist I should say) prescribe topical steroids (metro gel, financea are the most common) and oral antibiotics to help you control the symptoms, break the news you will have to learn to live with it and wish you luck. Thanks for nothing, jerks!!!

I'm turning 30 this year and sadly my battle with Rosacea is daily, it has consumed my life. I've done tons of research online and have come to the conclusion my Rosacea is a result of a very slow and weak autoimmune system and possibly leaky gut. I also suffer from fibromialga which  basically means I have the immune system of an old woman.  My mother suffers from fibromialga too and after complaining to her for years of being tired, fatigued, constantly needing naps, she forced me to visit her specialist. And the doctor confirmed I had her same condition and needed to begin preventative treatment to control my symptoms. But did I listen??? My mid 20 self said ah hell!! I'll worry about it later.... silly me. So young and dumb.

Flash forward a few years later and now I'm dealing with my pimply, bumpy, red face, compliments of Rosacea. I'm married (three years as of this year :) ), pregnant (with our first baby), and very limited on the type of treatment I can apply to my skin or orally consume. If it's not safe for the baby I can't and will not use it. Prior to my pregnancy my Rosacea was under control for the most part, now it's running rampid and irritating my face with redness, acne, inflamed skin, enlarged pores, also reacting to everything and anything possible. Skin care, food, stress, hormones... it get's so bad I can't stand myself sometimes.

But life must go on and I can't allow myself to shrivel up and allow the frustration, anger, and hopelessness to take over. I'm currently 5 1/2 months pregnant and since I stopped my prescribed treatment the condition has slowly gotten worse. I'm currently eating organically whenever possible, keeping away from my main triggers... but stress has been the one trigger I can't seem to control. Stress will cause breakouts, I don't even have to go out in the sun or eat spicy food, rub lemon on my face, or take a really hot shower.... nope. Just simply stressing out will cause a flare up. I've been doing moderate exercise, I wish I could afford yoga but it's not in the budget currently. My job does not help whatsoever, I work 10 hours a day, 4 days a week in a call center. It can be extremely stressful and draining because you deal with angry, upset clients. If I could leave my job or find a less stressful one I would leave in a heartbeat but for now I must stay. Being a grown up sucks sometimes....

For the past few months I've been hiding away at home not doing much besides obsessing over the next miracle product that will heal my condition. Ignoring what really brings me joy and helps me unwind, which is my crafts and projects. The whole reason I started this blog in the first place. My mother told me "the moment you stop caring about your condition so much it will get better, you need to focus on the things that make you happy. Start your projects again, write about your struggles with Rosacea, you might help someone else out there who is suffering just like you. Lord knows you have a million products you've tried and you can share what worked and what didn't. Start blogging again...."

I must admit she made a very good point so I'm taking her advice and getting my booty back to blogging!! Apart of me has bloggers guilt, something I had read about prior to staring my own blog. Since I stepped away for so long without updating I lost momentum and feel like no one cares about what I have to share anymore or like I let people down. Another unnecessary stress, so at the end of the day I have to just stop putting myself down and stop being so damn pessimistic!!! And you know what, I feel a lil better already. :) It feels good to just not give a shit sometimes, living for the day. Leaving your worries at the door, sayonara stress!!! We're breaking up... I'm letting go and counting my blessings because in reality I have so much to be grateful for. So for now SCREW YOU, Rosacea!!! I'm moving on with my life and it's GOING TO GET BETTER.

Much Love,


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